CrossRoads~~

Through the Rear View Mirror…

2012-01-01T09:02:00.001+05:30

“Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear”… how I wish! When 2011 goes behind… I wish all those moments to be closer to me. 2011 was definitely an amazing year for me though with some heart breaks towards the end. But undoubtedly it was one of the finest years that I could think of in the recent past. It embraced me with warm hugs and sweet kisses. When it is going away… wish those moments be repeated in the coming years!

Looking back at the 365 days that passed by is an exciting thing. It gives you an insight into how you progressed through the year. This is the third year in a row I am doing this. And that too when you have a personal diary, that adds a lot of warmth to those introspection.

2011… a year that saw me travelling abroad for the first time in life for work, made me change the job twice, kept me busy throughout the year with work, saw me voting for the first time, actually revealed a lot of heavens and pleasures, brought in awesome friends and more over brought in some stability to my life! So… for the most part of the year, it was good to an extend!

Had one of the most dreamy starts for the newyear.. when 2011 was born.. I was on one of the most beautiful place on earth with one of the most splendid person I have ever met and that too on my Taurus, riding! It might have been the sign for the good days to come! “oru swapnathulyamaya thudakkam.. thudarnnangottum…” (A dreamy start… wish it continues…), this is how I started my diary on Jan 1.

The winds of change were there in the starting of the year itself. I was offered a job in the Neo Film School, Cochin. Joined there as Senior resident faculty in the dept: of CInematogrpahy in March. But that was not a place I should have been in. The realization hit me as early as the first week of April itself. “ Thalaykkapettirikkukayanu. Pakshe ellavarum ee thalaykkapedalil thane alle?” (I am trapped. But guess everone is held on to this trap!), I have noted down on April 5.

And I knew I won’t be staying there for so long. My diary entry reads on april 19, “ Njan veendum thettaya vazhiyilulla pathayilanu. Adutha naalkavalayil ninnu enik sariyaya pathayilekku thiriyanam. Njanaa naalakavala evideyo mangi kaanunnund!”. ( I am again on the wrong route. I want to turn to the right path from the very next cross roads. I can see a blurred image of that crossroad!.) And that did happen! I left the place even before completing reading “The Motorcycle Diaries” gifted to me by Devi who is now Dr.Devi…. for my new job… kept up my good name!

I had to quit the job in Neo Film School in May! Reason… Road to Paradise! Yes.. that was actually a road to paradise… this was a travel show for an international travel channel, produced by Ajay of Videosource studios, Hyderabad and directed by John sir of Greenroom where I was working before Neo. He was not able to come for the shoot scheduled for the first week of May. And he asked me to take it up and I was also supposed to do the camera for the same. I couldn’t resist the offer and had to leave for the shoot taking leave of more than 3 weeks from NEO! And I knew when I go back, I may not have the job. But I was ready to take up the risk! “Fortune favours the brave”, and it did happen! I had to quit the job in Neo but for the good!

“ oru yathrayude thudakkam,.. veendum.. ennenkilum ormmakalkku parayanakumo.. ee yathra oru vazhithirivaayirunnu ennu? (Start of a journey… again… will memories be ever able to say… this journey was a turning point?). These lines in my diary on May 2 turned out to be as true as the year progressed. That travel I started for the R2P shoot from Cochin was one of the exciting trips of the life time. Coupled with work that gave me a basket full of fun and experience. It was truly a journey that turned over my fortunes. Travelling almost around 2500 km spread over 13 days of shoot through the lengths and breadths of Kerala… witnessing all those magical moments that Kerala has in offering and that too in a Thunderbird! What more can you ask? At the end of the schedule I have noted “ oru yathrayude avasanam… vaakukalkkumatheethamaya oru nirvrithi!” ( End of a travel… a satisfaction beyond words can explain). The highlight of the trip was shooting Thrissur pooram. Witnessing it for the first time, I wrote in my diary on May-12, “ Thrissurpooram… Varnnikaanavunnilla!” (Thrissurpoosram… I am not able to narrate!)

Till the mid of 2011, things were not looking very bright . My mind was wandering without an end… was not able to find piece of mind in anything. As my diary entry on March 27 says… “manassinte sanchaarangalkku oru google map – nte sahayam undayirunnenkil! “ (if only there were assistance of a Google map for the minds wanderings!) But as Sruthi told me on my 26th birthday that falls on 17 May, that she has the intuition that this is the year that will turn my fortunes my way. I don’t know what made her say that… but it worked. Taking this space to thank her for the confidence shown on me… Thanks Sruthi !

After mid 2011, I started my stint with Hyderabad with the shoot of ISB at Gachibowli on 26th and 27th May. Hyderabad had helped me to rediscover my confidence and me in one way or the other. “oru tharam puthya aathmaviswasam… ithu vare illathirunna oru santhosham… athe… njan aarkum aavashyamillathavanalla” ( a new kind of confidence… some kind of happiness that I have never experienced before… yes.. I am not useless! ) The high note of confidence entered of 26th of May still continues when the year ends. Hyderabad has welcomed me with whatever it could offer and is doing all that could to keep me footed there!

2011 will always be remembered in my life for losing the virginity of my passport! Flew to Bangkok for the shoot of SUPER, a stunt show for the Telugu channel ETV with some 15 Telugu actresses and crew from all over India. I was one of the Cameramen! What an amazing experience that was! Was transported to another culture and life style for almost 16 days. Extremely enjoyed! Made some awesome friends. Arun, Madee, Vijay…. and we roamed through the streets of Pattaya exploring all the possibilities it could offer! Can’t be better than that! We were living a dream for all most more than 2 weeks! “angane ividuthe avasana ravum pularnnu. Oru swapnathilayirunnu ee kazhinja 15 divasangalum. Etho swapnanagariyil.” (the last night here has given way for the morning. I was in a dream for the past 15 days. In some dream city) I wrote from pattaya on September 12, the last day of the shoot there!

2011 also was a year for awesome relationships. It saw the bonding of us 7 growing stronger. Mayank, Anu, Shrinivas, Shruthi, Anshi, Zishan and Me. A family bonding that is very rare to be seen these days. Those evenings and the dinners and endless nights and mayank’s place and Zishan’s place… its beyond words! Thanks to Anshi for introducing me to them and making me a part of the gang! 2011 also brought in this amazing people into my life… Goutam, Karum, Bhaskar Sir , Maneesh… Thanks for them too for making Hyderabad so special for me! “souhrdathinte oro eeyambaatakalum enne pulkunnu.. oru mazhayaayi, thennalayi…” ( the winged termites of friendship embraces me… like a rain.. like a soft breeze…) , i wrote after that splendid Diwali party hosted in Hyderabad...2011 was addictive in every sense… “ethoru sohrdhathinteyum veril enthokkeyo laharikal olinjirippund!” ( there is some addcition that is hidden between any of the friendships) I have written in my diary after that splendid night at Hyderabad central University with Anu, Stewart, Nandhini, Janish and Kranthi!

If you ask me to pick the best 5 moments of 2011…

1)The Bangok trip… obviously has to be the best moment of 2011…

2)Prathik’s engagement in Trivandrum (it was too nostalgic for us as we , the UG batch mates had a get together after almost a year)…

3)The India x Australia World cup quarterfinal that I watched in Bikes and Barrels with Anshi… (it was so electric.. :lahariyum lahariyum onnavumbol…. “ …when addiction and addiction meet each other! …March-24)

4)India winning the world Cup… I watched at Vishnu’s room ( it was nothing less than a grant celebration… danced to the tunes of celebrations! “16 varshathe ente kaathirppu…” …The wait of 16 years… Entry of April 2 reads this… I was waiting for this moment form 1996, the day India lost to Sri Lanka in the Semis at Eden Gardens.)

5)There was this Valparai trip with John sir and all early in January in Sasi anna’s newly bought swift…which was nothing but mind-blowing (“When the celebration begins… “I have noted down somewhere during that trip!)

There are more moments to be added on to this but I restrict myself! But the celebration at 137, RK Salai… after a long time… in January… with Sumi’s specially cooked chicken… that night deserves a special mention here! 2011 was also seeing a lot of my buddies getting married… Chaku… you will be blessed all through your life… Prathik.. Let you have all the very best that you deserve and Arun.K.Nair.. Way to go man… Lets celebrate! I take up this space to congratulate you guys and my apologies as I couldn’t make it for your moment of life….

I am content with 2011 in every sense. It offered me all that it could offer. For the most part of it … I had my little angel with me to share each and every moment of my life. “pranayathinoppam njanum alinju chernnirikkunnu avalil” (along with the love… I am also melting into her) March 3 tells me how madly we were in love. But things dint go on as we expected… “enthokkeyo ezhuthanm… oru pranayavum kude attu veezhunnath njan ariyunnu” ( I want to write a lot of things… I can see one more love falling off…) this was on September 4… a time span of 5 months were more than enough for this drastic changes. But we never wanted this break up… but the situations forces us to… and we had to take that hard decision.. as my diary entry on December 25 reads… “ella mazhayum orikkal peythu theerum” (all rain will stop pouring one day). But I must tell you this… you are the best that has happened to me in this whole life and will cherish each and every moment we spent together… Love you….

2011…. I can’t remember a year which was more promising in almost every aspect. Eventhough 2011 started with lot of fuzziness… it ends on a high note with a lot of high hopes and I think I am on the right track… Even though I dint shoot anything for myself… except for the release of this music video “Priyathe..” , the year was satisfying…. As I have written on September 28, “oro Cinemayum enikku pakarnnu nalkunnath puthya swasamanu”, ( every cinema offers me new breath) there are fresh breaths waiting for me in 2012.. The dream of making a film has made a come back strongly this year which I guess is the biggest positive thing that has happened in 2011.. Hope it carries on to 2012….

Have a great year ahead.. Happy NEW YEAR!!!

I can’t be wrong always!

2011-06-20T13:13:00.000+05:30

How do I start off? What to be written or typed rather? It’s long since I attempted to write anything. Not that I had nothing to write… but was too impatient to sit down for a while, think and then put them down into words. Mind was wandering along with me… through the unknown terrains of uncertainty…as always with me! I still don’t know where I am heading to. It has been a journey which no one understands… I know I have a destination. A destination that has been imprinted onto my heart for over a decade now! But as the realities of life become harder, the destination gets blurred. But it’s still there at a distance… a destination that you can’t figure out in google maps… There are hell a lot of things outside google too which we tend to over look now!

Watched “Dhobi Ghat”, a movie that laid inroads into my heart… I know people have different opinions about that movie… But it’s my kind of movie… This kind of movies or stories moves me and makes my destination a little clearer… My heart lies in there… to make movies of those genres… that lie close to the heart... raw…plain… simple and even a little bit amateurish too! All this struggles are to reach there. “When…? ” is a question which has to be answered by time. Till then I will be a piece to be looked upon and laugh commenting “somebody who don’t know how to live…”, “somebody who never stays at one place” and all of those sorts.

But who stays at one place forever. None… why do people forget this? At times I get irritated when people try to force their comments and advise on me. I might be wrong… but I prefer to do it my way rather than allow someone else to dictate my life… even if it is wrong. There are times when I lose belief in myself… not able to stick on to anything for too long… not able to concentrate on one thing… but I still strongly believe I am caught on to the wrong places. But never mind… I understand this… that the journey will take you through lot of places which you actually don’t prefer to be in. But the final destination is what matters. And I will reach there one day and prove to the world I was right when everyone else thought I was wrong! I can’t be wrong always!

Instances when you feel you are an Indian citizen…

2011-04-13T12:25:00.000+05:30

When you cheer for India during a cricket match and toast a drink for their victories... when your consciousness makes you join hands with those virtual anti-corruption movements and fight against corruption... When you show your support to those who fight for the country in the borders by pinning a national flag on your chest….. You feel you belong to a country which has over 1 billion people and which upholds a proud culture of secularism and democracy.

But there is something more to it. There is one more thing which makes you feel that you are a part of a democratic country. Your right to choose the person who should rule the country/state for you. Casting a vote becomes an important weapon in the hands of the citizens of any democratic country. You have to experience it at least once to know the importance of an election.

I did it today! Voted in an election for the first time in my life. I feel ashamed of myself for having wasted 8 years without executing my power in an election. (I am turning 26... I should have acquired an election ID 8 years back). I never attempted to acquire a voter’s id card and I was not interested in that process. My dad also had the same opinion. What’s the point in voting to somebody… It’s all the same. According to him it was a waste of time going and standing in the long queue and vote for some useless candidate!

He has voted only once in his life time and that too in a panchayath election as his colleague was a candidate! I remember that day. I was 5 or 6 years old. We were in a estate in wayanad.. . The voting centre was a high school nearby my home. A long queue and hustles of the candidates did not interest me. I was attracted to something else… that mark made on the index finger of the people who cast votes… that intrigued me.

I desperately wanted to have a mark on my index finger then. I cried like hell… rolled on the ground and created all the havoc... (I pity my dad and mom... I was such a spoiled brat then!) I don’t know why… but wanted to have that mark in my index finger. But they refused to! I still wonder why they didn’t agree to a small wish of a cute kid! But they told me, “grow up and cast your vote…then you can have that mark in your index finger”. But I was not ready to listen to them! (I have never listened to any one in my life!)

And now… here is that mark… after a long 20 years… I could get it in my index finger! I travelled all the way from Cochin to Chennai (over a 650 km) just to get that mark there once in my life! And I was determined that I will be following my dad’s path… no more voting here after… just once to get that mark in my finger…

With that decision I walk in to the election booth. I was in the impression that, only I will be there and I can just walk in… press in the voting machine… and come back! But alas… to my surprise… there was a long queue waiting impatiently to cast their votes. I have never seen such a disciplined queue except in cinema halls or in liquor shops in Kerala!

And when my turn came… I was actually a bit nervous! The nervousness I felt when I got in to the stage for the first time to perform… The nervousness I felt when I was supposed to shoot my first shot on a movie camera… The nervousness I felt when I went to take my first class... The nervousness I felt whenever I had to propose to a girl!!!

But I executed my biggest power given to me by the Indian constitution. I did cast my vote! And when I came out of the booth… I have decided one thing… I will be voting in all the elections here after and will be a responsible citizen of India!

Tales from a Diary!

2011-01-05T14:20:00.000+05:30

One more year has gone to the brinks of darkness.. giving way for hopes and dreams as a new year makes it start.. Looking back at the pages in my diary… I realize 2010 has shown me a lot of dark patches with some intermittent rains filled with love and some bleak sunlight packed with moderate warmth.

“veendum oru puthu varsham… oru pakshe oru thiricharivinte varsham! Oro puthya thudakkangalkkum oru pratheekshayundavum. Ippravashyavum…” (Again a New Year.. Perhaps a year of wisdom! Every new start will have a hope.. This time too…) This is how I started my first page of 2010. The hope was carried of through out 2010.

It was a quite start for 2010. At home, alone.. lighting the lamp.. praying for a better year.. it was different from the previous years and expected a drastic change in my life. I am not denying that it didn’t bring a few changes.. But still.. 2010 will be remembered as a year which put me into the gloomy hemisphere for most part of it! Somewhere in my diary I have written .. “Chinthakalkku polum vallatha oru apakarshathaa bodham.. veendum ennaniniyonnu parannuyaran kazhiyuka?” (Even my thoughts has a strange inferiority complex. When will I be able to fly high again?)

This is a year which made me realize that there are some mistakes in the path I have chosen and had to alter them. Still searching for a perfect path, but still I am nearing it. Working on a film as an asst. Cameraman made me realize this is not the cinema I loved and I cant be a film maker by profession. Because then I will start hating the medium of cinema which should never happen. The entry on 23rd Feb reads .. “ Njan ishtapedunna Cinema ithalla. Ithu verum mechanical reproduction just for the sake of money. Ente cinema sankalpangale thakartherinju kond njanithil thudarano?” (This is not the Cinema that I love. This is jus a mechanical reproduction just for the sake of money. Should I continue here by scattering my concepts about Cinema.?)

Me finishing my MA was the biggest achievement of 2010. The one week training programme was just awesome. It brought back the memories of my good old college days. Was feeling like want to get back to the college ! The page on 16th Feb reads… “Kazhinja Orazhchaykku oru sugandhamundayirunnu!”( There was a fragrance for the last one week!) Its so good to be back to class rooms. Missing those times!

On the creative side.. 2010 was really fruitful. I shot a music video “Kathakal” in May which is yet to be released at Mukeshettan’s Village. My senior Anilettan did the main role along with Aparna, a new find. Bala, my friend from DFT who is assisting none other than director Shankar now also was a part of that project. It was my dream to shoot at mukeshettan’s place from the very first day I went there and it was realized through this shoot. The experience was simple superb… “EE santhoshavum ee thripthiyum.. jeevitham ullasamavunnath appozhanu… Enthokkeyo ezhuthanam ennund.pakshe..”( This happiness and this satisfaction.. Life becomes a celebration then.. feels like want to write a lot of things.. but.. ) That tells all about that shoot.

And there was this tele film directed by Arju “Ilayilla poomaram’ which we shot at Munnar… That was one of the most unforgettable experience of this year. 6 days at Adimali, Munnar and Chinnakanal. It did give me a lot of creative freedom and satisfaction. On 17th Sep, I have written… “EE aakoshangalil aathmarthathayund!” ( There is a sincerity in these celebrations!)

And I attended IDSFFK for the second consecutive year. My film “Pegasus” was selected for the competition section. Another achievement of the year! After all 2010 was not that bad!

It was almost a month long trip.. “Kathakal” shoot at Aluva,” Ini nee vannal” shoot at Fort Kochi and then IDSFFK @ Trivandrum.. That was a dream trip. At the end of the trip on 16th June, my diary entry reads “Angane Ekadesham oru masathe threerthadanathinu shesham veendum oru madakkayaathra. Etho swapnangalilenna pole aayirunnu ee dinangalathrayum. EE alachilukal njan ishtapedunnu!” (Again a return after almost a month long pilgrimage. It was like a dream run all these days. I am loving this nomadism!)

One of the biggest plus that 2010 brought is, it channelized my thoughts. Though not completely clear.. but still, the signs of clarity is in the vicinity! At the start of this year I was not sure what to do. Tried various here and there and finally settled in GREENROOM, a production house as Asst: director under John sir, an AD Film maker and more than that a wonderful human being! Did some exciting commercials with him. The shoot at Thenmala for Mahashakthi cements and the shoot at Hyderabad for Aswini hair oil was mind blowing!

If I were to choose the best 5 moments of 2010… I will be a bit confused. Actually there are more than that. But the Pondichery trip (pondichery always had a special place in my life!)with john sir in bike in January (My first one.. to visit the shoot of Rajesh anna) , My trip to Bangalore for scouting the location for the Music video in May, The night at Zara (a pub in Chennai) with my folks … , The trip to Thirupathi for Uma’s Marriage and of course the last day celebration after the “Kathakal” shoot! And the common element in all these.. Yes.. you got it right!

Then there was this fall from the bike.. which injured my knee.. Man that was a big one. I am still not fully out of it. All the credit to Mukeshettan for that! I was coming after the first schedule shoot of the movie. And we had some fight on the bike and I got furious and I accelerated the bike and fell off from it! Result.. Was in bed for more than 2 weeks!!! The pain made me write this … “Thaanganavunnilla!” (I am not able to bear it)

But that fall actually had brought a lovely breeze into my life. What could be the one most exciting thing that happened to me this year? Undoubtedly… A sweet little angel.. She just walked into my life during those days. Thanks to FaceBook also.. (2010 saw me becoming addicted to FB and leaving Orkut behind!) It was FB that brought us together. 2010 will be remembered for just that special reason.. For bringing back those little rains and bits and pieces of dreams!! “Pranayathinu oru maasmarikathayund.. oru thund sooryante maasmarikatha!” (Love has a mesmeric charm.. Mesmeric charm of a small piece of sun!) My diary entry reads on 30th April…. Romanticism makes a come back again!

There was one more moment which was very special for me in 2010. It was the get together of me, Anshi, Devi, Hari, Nitha, Dr.Avinash, Sumi and Sankar in Chennai. That was so special and a day to be cherished. Wish more of those will happen this coming year!

2011 is more fuzzy actually. I am not hoping on any hope for the new-year. Let it come and I will take it as it is. I am preparing for that.

Wishing you all a very happy new year!

A 1500 CC bike on Indian Roads!!!

2010-10-07T15:01:00.003+05:30

Don’t get puzzled! This was the response that came into my mind after I came out of sathyam cinemas today morning after watching the much hyped “Enthiran”! My attempt here is not to hypothetically review the film as it is being done by every Tom, Dick and Harry!

“7 AM show? Have you gone nuts?”, that was the first reaction that my amma gave me when I told her that I have got tickets for Enthiran! Getting up at 5Am, getting ready by 5.45Am, go pick up a friend and watch a movie that starts at 7 AM! That sounds weird! Isn’t it? But you guys should have been there at Sathyam cinemas today morning. I expected a sparse crowd there. I was astonished to see a huge crowd waiting impatiently as early as 6:30 AM infront of the theatre. It was so huge that I had to stand in a ques for almost 20 minutes to piss during the interval!! Oops!

Now that aptly describes this comment by my Northie friend, “Man.. he is something!”. She made this comment after she was taken aback by seeing a screen filled to its fullest capacity as early as 7AM! Yes dear.. He is the super star.. The one and only man who enjoys such a stature  in the world cinema!!  

I am still a die hard fan of Rajni Kanth! My love for him started as early as when I was 3 years old! My mom used to say.. I used walk around by singing “Vaanathai paarthen .. Bhoomiye paarthen” song by using the plate as a drum as Rajni sings this song in the movie using a plate shaped drum!! (Thanks to one of my mentors GK, my uncle!) And the first memories of a movie about him… was when I had to return back home after a failed attempt to get the tickets for his movie “Annamali” (which I consider as his best todate!). It was being played in Thangamani theatre in Gudalur (there were only two theatres then in Gudalur , I am talking about say 20 years back) which is closed down now! And I was literally in tears! My grandma asked me to go and buy the milk from the shop and when I was coming back after buying the milk my uncle was singing sarcastically “vanthenda paalkaran!” (The milkman has come.. the song from the movie!)

Rajni has a charm associated with him. A harm that makes every one in the theater whistle when his name appears with those well known style! But I guess Sankar failed to capitalize on that this time! This is not the way Rajni should be portrayed.. its no where a Rajni film. We expect more of Rajni and less of Sankar here!!! But it worked the other way around. And the screenplay lacked pace now and then. As my friend said, “This is not sci-fi, but kids-fi!”. 

Even though, the attempt has to be applauded.. a question remains? Why this film for Indian audience? No Rajni as we would like to see him, Less or almost No Indians working in the VFX section, Not a racy and well written script.. Not an energetic entertainer (sankar fails to deliver in picturising songs also this time!) We can watch much better films made with better perfection and pace..  But this film has proven one thing… if we have money, we can definitely equal the quality of the Hollywood films! (I dint mean this film has equaled it.. but it has proved it can be done!)

Now.. that explains the title.. This film was like a 1500 CC bike on  Indian roads.. over ambitious, couldn’t touch even the minimum speed it is ought to achieve, people admiring it before it started,  but failed to hold on to that attraction.. everythin gone on to an awry! ts just a bullet in an Harley Davidson package.. 

We would love to see him in that vintage bullet casing!!! With that old world charm!! But whatever said and done.. anything for Rajni!!!!

Conquering… But Losing!

2010-08-18T15:21:00.000+05:30

When was the last time you tasted your message!? Can u think of or have you ever done that? Perplexed? I was talking about writing letters in an inland letter. The charm of writing in those blue coloured paper, and licking it with the tongue to stick with the hope that it will reach those loved ones.. The taste of those messages and the inland letter still lingers.. But today. In this era of SMSes and E-mails the so called snail mails.. they are not even in sight!

Now we boast off about the one touch Facebook mobile phones! Kids of today cannot even imagine a phone without a Redial button. But who will make them understand that there was a time when you had to dial the whole digits all the time when you wanted to make a call. The pleasure of dialing itself was so astonishing that as kids we used to fight for that. Something that we lost in our attempt to conquer the world! Its something too nostalgic for me today! I am lucky enough to have such a phone at my home though!

These days.. mobile phones are used for everything but for talking. It replaced those pocket diaries people used to carry around to store phone numbers. One of the biggest use of mobile phones these days are.. its being used as alarm clock! Remember those good old days when we used to get up hearing those tring trings from those metal alarm clocks! I used to curse it and the biggest draw back,.. it never had snooze! Gosh.. I would have been dead.. if these snooze was not invented! But those alarm clocks used to make me wake up at right time.. These snoozes has made me all the more lazy!

Using pen itself has become a fancy today, and that too a fountain pen.. no way… people are too tired of changing the ink, carry it around etc. But can a refill pen match the fountain pen in the quality of writing it offers? These days.. who is bothered about quality but convenience! But I still am in love with those ink smell.. I write all my love letters in my Parker pen! And I have a Hero pen also.. (does this name sound familiar.. has to be.. it was a dream of any school going kid a couple of decades ago!) When I was in my Lower primary classes, I used to dream about owning a hero pen and getting upgraded to writing in ink from pencils! (We were allowed to use pen only from 5th standard!). Now kids are born to Gel pens! NO wonder… handwriting of the present generation is so pathetic! You have to learn writing in Pencil and then get graduated to ink pens (I was never allowed to write in Tube pen till 8th std!)

Talking about pencil, can we forget those aluminum sharpeners. Sharpeners in aluminum! Those were so precious. We used to carve our initials in it to protect it from being stolen! And also we used to exchange them for 2 pencils, 1 eraser and a NP bubble gum! This gum was another attraction of my child hood. 25 paise per peace.. they were heaven. I can still feel the sweetness and the taste of that red square piece of rubber like candy!

Yes.. now this 25 paise.. Do you guys have 20 paise coins with you?I still remember those 20 paise coins. My bus ticket would cost me 80 paise from my place to my school. Divya chechi (My neighbor and senior who used to accompany me to the school)used to insist me to get back those 20 paisa from the conductor after paying Re.1 in bus! How many of you remember we had Re.1 and Rs.2 notes! Those were the charms of a world lost to us now!

I am typing this hearing fuzon in my CD player. When was the last time you have heard a song in an Audio tape? Oops! That might have been ages rite? I am again lucky enough to have a good collection of audio tapes preserved very carefully by me! I had this practice of buying every audio tape of Rajni Kanth movies. But this time when I went into the store and asked for audio tapes, they gave me a pathetic look and told me no audio tapes for ENTHIRAN! Man… they have put an end to my habit! What else can I do? Whatever Gadgets you have where you can store thousands of songs, nothing can replace the charm in hearing a song in an audio tape. Running the tape both sides over and over again till the tapes get damaged.. it had a special pleasure attached to it. The music today coming out in digital form doesn’t have soul.

I am some one with the opinion anything digital is soulless! Digital SLRs now can make any dumb headed guy a great photographer. Taking a picture in the negative is almost forgotten by everyone. Few people understands the alluring charm associated with taking pictures in film Negatives. The anxious moments spent in the lab waiting to receive the prints.. probably those might be the best hours of my life! I used to pray to all those Gods known to me to get every frame right. My hands trembled every time I collected the developed negative from the lab! But the delight gained by looking at some good clicks printed on those positives.. were so enchanting. Nothing can replace the joy of those moments.

Video libraries were a fad once. Librarian a God! We used to tip them to reserve all those VHS cassettes of the new film that come to the library. But in this era where any movie can be downloaded.. they are the ghosts of the past! Same is the case of the type writing institutes. They were once the IITs and IIMs of the youths. There were premium institutes were students used to wait in queue to get admitted. Can anyone even imagine those days in the present context where we have millions of sotwares to learn typing?! And yes .. also the STD booths. Those read boxes with black telephones in them.. it was there in the every nook and corner of the country. But now they are cornered to railway stations and few other places! The biggest downfall among them were for the Tailors specialized in Men’s wear! Couple of days back one of my friends was telling me it might more than 15years since he went to a Tailor! True… 98% of you might have even forgotten such a species existed once in this colour plus world of Arrows and Peter England!

Recently when I went to shoot in a remote village in Kerala I hit up on a B&W Tv in a Barber shop! That was too nostalgic for me, reminding me of old Solidaire TV that we had at our home. I used to go and sneak at the back of TV believing that those people speaking strange language (nobody had told me the existence of another language… Hindi… as always.. was so strange for me.. the stint still continues!) were actually living in that box!.

The list of this Nostalgia might go on and on if I continue… The Signature tune of DD (I used to get up at 4.50 when I was a kid to hear this tune) and the vandematharam which followed were really an experience! A couple of months back, after I was heavily drunk switched on the TV at 5 in the morning and happened to hear that accidentally as at my friend’s place there was no other channel other than DD! Believe me tears rolled down my eyes! Nostalgia can make you cry! These are charms that we lost on our way to conquer the world. The race never ends.

But remember, when you are racing to win.. you will lose! If you cannot experience all those beauties in between.. what is the point in reaching the destination sooner than others. So, try to slow down your pace. Sometimes.. looking back also might help us to gain a momentum and cover more distance quicker!

Chaos.. Chaos.. and more chaos...!!!

2010-08-12T14:29:00.003+05:30

Its long since i have jotted down something for this blog. Dont know why.. But I am not able to put down anything these days. Was trying to write on something.. everything that remained was just frustrations!

These days I am getting frustrated more than usual. God knows why! Even the most motivating thoughts are not helping me. I am becoming more gloomy and more baffled!
I have never been like this before. Actually i am feeling like i am being thwarted. Need to get out of this extremely dangerous doomed situation.

Realising that I am becoming more and more passive these days. Not only me.. everyone. With everything in your fingertips who want to go back to dictionaries and search for those words.... when you have all the phone numbers at the touch of a button which you can carry everywhere.. who is bothered to remember them? (I cant recollect more than 5 phone numbers.. mind you.. most of the people whom i call everyday.. i cant recollect their numbers also!). With all the information available just by typing into Google.. who uses all those year books or reference books available at the dark corners of the libraries? (This 'Google culture is awfully alarming one.. making all of us very inactive!)

As the world become more and more fast, we are becoming more and more passive! people doesn't have time for anything. They cant even wait a second extra at the traffic signals(just a second after the green light goes... the honking starts from almost all the vehicles. Its hilarious!) No one has time to sit and relax and sip a coffee enjoying a soothing music. Nobody has time even to smile!

Why are we living? That's a question to be answered. At least eat your meal properly. I have seen people gulping their food in buses, trains, foot paths... If you don't even have time to enjoy your food.. go to hell.. What else!

See.. where did i start and where I am now? all these are my frustrations! kindly ignore this post. This was just to take away my writer's block! hopefully my next post will be a more sensible and carefully composed one. This one i am posting it without even editing it! Kindly bear with me

But whatever... Learn to live.. Not just to Survive!

Counting the Stars and the Deaths!

2010-04-09T06:57:00.002+05:30

Have you ever tried counting the stars? Wondering what is the similarity between stars and deaths? No.. its not those fairy tale stories that your grand mother might have told you. I want to discuss something more serious.

What happens when you start counting the stars? You lose the count in the middle way because there are innumerable ones in the sky. The same way we lose the count of the deaths happening in India through the terrorists attacks!

Once the only threat was from outside the country. Some religious lunatics misquoting some phrases from their holy book and attacking the country and killing hundreds of innocent lives. Incidents happened in Mumbai, Bangalore, Pune etc calls for beefing up of security system in every part of India. Those attacks were carried out by terrorists who lacked common sense and who were brain washed and lacked a well thought out ideology. Most of them could have been also seen as an attack by our enemies.

But now we face a more serious threat. The terrorism within. I am talking about the Maoists. The people who believe in weapons than peace and calls themselves followers of karl marx! These Naxalites once had a vision and that was well received by the common people. Some where in the middle they lost it . They had well educated and radical people in the front to lead them. But now they have shrunk into a bunch of inhuman criminals. The brutal killing that they are engaged in these days cannot be entertained at any cost. These internal threats are in a way dangerous to our own existence. We cant fight against those terrorists from outside the country unless we curb the threats which are emerging from within.

Whatever the ideology that leads them, the path they have chosen to achieve those ends cannot be justified at any cost. Naxalism cannot be considered as a means to achieve the objectives of the oppressed. They and the terrorists from outside the country has no difference. Both are engaged in killing. Maoists are an internal threat to the Indian government. It has to be curbed at any cost. In the comfort of an AC cabin surrounded by black cats, politicians can comment on the killing as “brutal”, “unbearable” and all other craps. Why are they not bothered about the Para military forces who are fighting against those naxalites? Their security should be given prime importance. The Maoists are well versed in guerilla war fare. Does our Para military forces given adequate training to fight them? How these naxalites are getting hold of such massive quantities of explosives and weapons? Why cant the government take measures to cut off the supplies that reach them? Why this hesitation in bringing in the army or air force to sanitize the entire area where naxalites have up hold?

The death toll rises day by day and we are losing the count. We might even be able to count the entire stars one day, but might fail to count the deaths if the government don’t take some drastic steps to fight them. Let us close our eyes and pray for those who have shed their life for reasons which are not their faults.. Let there be an urge to have talks between the government and the Maoists or to sanitize the entire area affected by those cold blooded brutes. jai hind

When the Leaf Fades Away…..

2009-12-31T15:44:00.004+05:30

Looking back at 2009 is like taking a roller coaster ride! It was too adventurous with all the curves and ups and downs. Perhaps 2009 was the most hera pheri year of these 24 years of my life.

Now where do I start off? Starting of the year with a high note, had an amazing new year bash at surianelli Estate, Munnar. Waking up to that fresh sun rise, I expected this year to be too clear and bright as the new year sun. But the clarity was missing. I was thrown in to the inevitable “uncertainty period” of my life. Still going through it…

In a way, the year was productive. Two short films –Nijaat and Pegasus- did earn quite a few good remarks. Nijaat was even selected for the II International Documentary and Short Film Festival of Kerala. That was an achievement, seeing my film on a big screen for the first time.. that too on kairali theatre, Trivandrum! Working for “Pegasus” was an amazing experience too. 2009 didn’t leave me that dis heartened when considering my creative part.

2009 was also an year for relationships. It earned quite a few amazing friends. I am notorious for making networking of friends. And this year saw the most no: of people being added to that network! Sre was one among them. Some one with whom I can share anything over a cup of tea, we share the same wavelengths. Wish 2010 will bring us more closely with more cinemas and teas!!!

Sangee (Kunjutty for me) was yet another surprise that 2009 has kept for me. I was in search of an actress for a music video which eventually dint happen(may be it might happen in 2010)! My search ended on sangee (Thanks for ponnu, yet another friend 2009 offered me). The friendship grew and the fragrance was all over. (couldn’t attend her marriage though.. Kunjutty…Taking up this column to say a word of sorry for that and wishing you all the very best that life can bring to such an amazing soul like you)

Through Sangee got to know another sangeetha. Chaku, who has turned out to be my cute little sister. Luttu was another amazing character that I met through her. And there is manuettan, sharanya, KK, Vivekettan,Nikhilettan ,Vasuettan… the list goes on…

And I must mention Nitha.. 2009 made the bonds between us stronger and closer. Laal salam sakaave!

2009 saw me becoming a blogger and a chronic smoker! No regrets for both though! Me becoming a blogger… The main credit goes to my cousin Rahul (who is with me for all my parties) and of course.. Sangee.. Thanks to you folks! The idea of picture blog did work out (www.greyframes.blogspot.com) . Hopefully it will catch up more in 2010. With smoking.. It went to a high and now come down.. trying to quit. Perhaps 2010 mid might see me as a smoke free guy!:)

What else with 2009? What were the memorable moments of 2009 ..? Pointing it down…. Bought a bike (My Taurus.. a 2005 unicorn), put an end to my bachelor life in Chennai (brought amma and sis to Chennai), Sheniettan getting married ( all my family got together which was an unique experience), Quit my teaching job at SAE (it was becoming damn boring), attending Blessy chechi’s marriage( a get together of glitterians), Meeting sangeetha at her house (that was truly an amazing day), Celebrating Friendship day at MGM with my UG folks(what a day we had), attending Rajju’s Marriage at Kannur (A reunion of the folks was really nostalgic), My first day as an asst: camera man with Loku sir(still cant believe it..), Working on 4 commercials as an Asst:Director with John Sir (I am enjoying it more than cinematography to be frank!), The toddy party organised by my students at Bangalore (Truly the best moments of 2009), The one day out door shoot for “Pegasus” at Mahabalipuram and the best of all.. receiving the ALA award for the Best Music video for “Thaniye” at calicut (Literally I was in tears when I received it!… The list may not have an end… it will go on…

But the most disastrous and memorable day of 2009 will be the day I met Chippi (My x girl friend)in front of kairali theatre. Trivandrum during IDSFFK 09! 2009 will be remembered for that alone no matter what!

Wrapping up 2009 on a confused note. But the future looks bright. Hopefully 2010 will have more surprises in the kitty for me. Let this leaf fade away for a brighter greener leaf….Happy new year to you folks!

Again a rebirth!

2009-10-10T10:43:00.002+05:30

I am oscillating! yes my mind is going for a toss! i mite be called a insane! but i prefer to be insane! with my family behind to be taken care of and lot other responsibilities.. i chose to quit my job! yes! am i not insane? but i prefer to be insane! And as the old saying goes.. fortune favors the brave!

Now what was the bravery here? I have decided to chase down my dream.. to become a film maker! I know the paths ahead will be difficult, rough and of uncertainties. But i still love to believe that i will make it! Quoting Coelho: "There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve, the fear of failure!" Now that fear was in back of my minds for the past one and half years or so. Now, from some where a confidence and optimism oozes out!

My graph looks so funny with curves so deep and high! It was steady till i entered the film institute in chennai. Being an asst: Manager in a plantation company thought that my life was supposed to be steady there. But the pull was irresistible. Tried coming back to my passion. Now this happened.. Life forced me to become a lecturer, teaching cinema. What more do you want? learn more about cinema, be with people who are passionate about cinema.. more over, the prospects of coming back to chennai was amazing!

Was enjoying teaching. I was planning to have a big footing in this industry. Planning's were accordingly. joined my PG and planned to do Phd once i finish that, write net, JRF... all to become a good academician!

But again a turn over! cinema is an art. Education is a service. Once these become business... the soul is lost! Satisfaction is gone for a toss! And the future was looking too bleak for me! it was total darkness all around! More over, that pull to chase down my dream. Decided, quit! That was not that as easy as told! but still...

I still believe in coelho... the entire universe will conspire for me! waiting for that...

LEFT was once RIGHT… But…

2009-07-14T11:26:00.003+05:30

The word “LEFT” is more than just a word. It’s a revolution, a refreshing energy, a passion which runs through the veins of all the so called REBELS! Count me, I was one! And still I am! And almost all my friends are rebels, in one way or the other, who stays for the rights and equality.

The word “LEFT” originated from the French Revolution when people who stood for republic and equality sat in the left of the president in the parliament. Over the period of time, LEFT was associated to Communism and Socialism.

As far as I am concerned, I am left. I was a rebel all through out. My first revolt was when I was in 5^th std when I wrote a memorandum to my Head master demanding for a library and clean water in the well for which I faced disciplinary actions! From there on I was always against the authorities! In the college I have even went to knock our vice principal once for his ruthless behavior for which I was thrown out of the hostel! Even when I was in the estate, I was standing for the rights of the labors for which my manager used to scold me always. “You have to be at the side of the management”, he used to tell me always. But how can I be?!

If I say I am left, it doesn’t mean I am a communist. But I do agree, communist ideologies have influenced me. But I am not a follower of the communist party in India at least for that matter. The thought of Marx of a utopian island with equality has always influenced me. But I am not interested in politics. But still the affinity for the left parties was there, especially for CPM.

The recent developments drift me away from the party too. I have never voted in any of the elections and I am not planning to do it in my life time unless I feel my vote has a value!( I know as an Indian citizen I am doing a crime! I prefer doing it since if I select some one it will be more than a crime!!! ) And at any point of time if I had to vote I would have voted for the left because that was the surety that the party had given to the followers and people of India. The only party with some dignity in India was CPM. But its all lost!:(

I am not blaming anybody. But Comrade V.S.Achuthanandan requires a big support. Communist party is the party of the people. It cannot become a party with dictators ruling it. This will create chaos. Now the party is in the hands of corporate dictators and goondas! Can Left parties keep the promise it offered to its followers once anymore! I still have not lost hopes. Revolutions will happen! Rebels will br re-born to salvate the party and make it the real left.

In short, Left means Rebel! So, Comrade VS.. You are a true Leftist in every sense. Sakave.. We offer the support to you. Work for the people. If there is no party, people will be there. Party cannot exist without people. The communist dictators will realize it soon…

LAAL SALAAM!!!

Fresh Greens

2009-06-27T17:27:00.005+05:30

Every new rain brings in hopes... . Hopes of happiness, freshness, sweetness and what not! Recently concluded II International Documentary and Short Film Festival was a new rain all sense! The freshness and hope it brought in can’t be explained through just words!

My short film “Nijaat” was selected to be screened. I was invited as the guest! That was an amazing experience! Attending a film festival as guest.. hooo! That was something like a dream coming alive!

The Possibility of the short film as a medium… that struck me! Meeting like minded people.. Who are passionate about the movies… who are denied a chance in the so called professional film industry… for us... making movies is not business.. But it’s a passion... a passion right from the bottom of the heart... As they rightly called it... This is the third wave in Indian cinema!

But there should be a structured distribution system… to spun in revenue.. Not to earn profit… but to attract more producers for more better quality works.. Today short film makers have more limitations,… That’s a hindrance… Once there is a proper distribution system and ways to generate money through short films and documentaries… There will be more and more inputs into the industry.. Possibilities of internet as a medium have to be explored!

Naresh Bedi started off with his film Cherub of the Mist.. and then there was Retrospective of Supriyo Sen.. Oops! These films actually made me look into documentary as a medium seriously.. The possibilities are immense! Wanna learn more and exploit the medium.

The 7 days was awesome and was happening… Out of cinema... Met lot of people… made acquaintances.. Krishnan chettan, Vijay Krishnan Sir, SG Raman sir, dhyanesh Zoting, Sanjay… to name a few.. But the penultimate day… That’s the day… I can never ever forget.. Met her… Chippi… now but broken!

With that note./… let me stop here

A knot… for a LIFE TIME!!!

2009-05-12T16:19:00.006+05:30

As the old saying goes… Marriages are made in heaven… True… The charm and divinity mixed with joy and hopes make it truly heavenly! I was all against this lavish spending for wedding ceremonies! The fatty acids which puts in holes to the Indian economy!

But recently I have been to a few marriages, which again is exciting as I used to hate attending marriages! I was always in the notion that marriages has to be as simple as tying just a knot in front of a small temple. But my outlook changed suddenly! The grandeur and the pompousness of the occasion make it truly a divine feeling!

Marriages are promises… Promises for a better life... Promises for a better companion… Promises for a better tomorrow… promises for better dreams and hopes and what not! Marriages are not just joining of two hearts but two different families... Two different beliefs… two different cultures and practices and so on… So... to have the strength in the bond there should be a ritual!

When it come to rituals… I wonder what will be the fate of the marriages in the future! Our generations are blank when it comes to the practices and traditions followed in a marriage ceremony! So gradually this might fade away… all this rich tradition and practices. In future, when it comes to the age of our children and grand children, marriages will be reduced to mere show offs! There must be a way to preserve this rich heritage of culture!

But I am still against the fatty spending for the marriage ceremonies. It creates an imbalance!

But whatever the case maybe, let it be a lean wedding or a fatty wedding, the harmony in the hearts of the two people joined together is more important!

Let marriages bring in more happiness everywhere {Though as Osho has rightly put it, “after 6 months, once the blues of honey moon are over, every marriages are adjustments which makes it a burden!!!! :( } Think over it again! :)

Kissing the Clouds and Skies!

2009-05-06T12:52:00.003+05:30

Happiness make you cry. The rarest occasions when you really love your tears! Feel the warmth of the tears rolling down the cheek and laugh... I love that! (In fact I love to cry in darkness and rains too!!!)

I am so happy today! You know what? If you were a regular follower of my blog(else go back to my first pages)… you might be remembering my first post…. The reason for that post (to be honest for this blog too) was my friend Nitha whom I call ‘Sakave’ (Comrade). She was rejected from Nimhans institute, Bangalore due to the reservation quota! She was put into waiting list and she had no hopes of getting in there. But she desperately longed to get in there.

And all of a sudden today she called me up and said that she has been selected for the course. A miracle! She was literally crying when she told me this and tears rolled down from my eyes too! It was an awesome moment. Tears were welcomed! The joy knew no bounds! I was just kissing the skies and clouds!

She was the one who kept my dreams alive by introducing me to Paulo Coelho… who kept on encouraging me when I was desperate…. She was always there whenever I was down. When she read the last post she called me up and spoke for almost an hour consoling and encouraging me…

Sakave… Lal Salam… Coelho keeps on proving him self right... The whole universe conspired for you! And you are there finally… Kudos! And this rejuvenates my hopes… surely one day the whole universe will conspire for me too!

{And sorry for my last post.. I was too dejected. And I knew it was too discouraging for you people. Hope this brings in more lights and hopes. Thanks for all out there who shared their concerns for me!!!}

I am going to die myself….

2009-04-30T09:54:00.004+05:30

A statement that could not have been expected out of me! I love life… to cling to the very core of life and enjoy every breath in its full existence. And the uncertainty of death has always made me panic. That’s the ultimate fear of death lle?!

I still love life. But there are these small small hiccups that make me too restless! I am kind of fed up. Not with life but with this life! And the way to escape… yes... it’s the dark patches which will lead me to the destiny!

The decision to die comes in a second. And if that comes no one can help it. A crash to the bus coming in the opposite direction… a jump down from the top floor of the flat… or throw myself in to a railway track when the train reaches near me!!! I think the first one is more viable. Just accelerate my bike and crash it into something and die back and relax!

Or I might go insane! I am, to an extend, is a bit abnormal as my folks say! But not to the extend, to get treated! But I am trying that option too… A world which knows no worries… where all other, the so called normal human beings, look like mad ones for me… I think I can enjoy my life more in that state! That might be a journey back to my own self!

I know this is a very dark stuff which I doubt whether I should post or not! But I wanted to share my thoughts to some one. And just dumb my worries. Some where down the line, I am losing myself. All my dreams shattered… luck turning back at me and mocking… responsibilities piling up as huge blocks of stones, currency staying back from my ATMs… the time definitely is not best for me! I am depressed! This depression is draining me out of me!

Optimism making a walk out…. Even Coelho cannot help me at this moment. If he comes and sits wit me for half an hour..he will get depressed!

Even the phoenix cannot rise my spirits! I am sorry for my people.. i know you have high hopes on me... But i confess.. I cannot rise to your expectations.. The sajeesh you knew is lost.. lost in the dark patches of life!

This might me momentary… but I am not able to bear the pressure! Today morning 2 times I had this weird idea of accelerating bike to an auto and a car! Geese!! I am afraid… will I ever do that??? Save me!~

No wine in the NEW STUNNING BOTTLE!…

2009-03-30T12:50:00.005+05:30

Movies are always a rollercoaster ride!! The expectation a movie creates before it being released is awesome. There are times I have waited for months on end for certain movies. Counting each day, each hours, each minute…. Then when the film get released,,, after getting the movie ticket… till the titling starts in the screen…. Those moments… I cherish a lot!!!! “Sivaji” of Rajni Kanth was one such!!! Einstien’s Theory of Relativity was working in its zenith! Minutes were looking like hours!!! And when the film started… I was like… hooo!!!

There was certain movies for which I went without any expectations, but bowled me out! “Village” of Manoj Night Shyamalan and “Autograph” of Cheran were such ones. Autograph really took me to the heights of cinematic experience.

When the expectation of the movies goes up, the chances to get satisfied are less! The margin which separates the best from worst has a very thin line! But still we try to satisfy by making efforts to like it some how! But there might be some instances where you cannot even make any effort to like a movie…

SAGAR ALIAS JACKY of Mohanlal directed by Amal Neerad was one such stuff! The expectations it created before the release was enormous.. Mohan lal was ofcourse a big ingredient for the expectations… Amal Neerad, who proved himself with “BIG B” ( I have spoken to him personally also before he was known to the kerala audience, a very nice guy), S.N.Swami with the script and more over it was a sequel to “irupatham nootaand” a film that was splendid!!!! I was biting my nails to watch the film.

But… the balloon was blasted,,, without stirring any of my senses!!! One of the worst film that you can ever see! I agree... the film is stylish.. But a film is not just style alone,,, you need some story to it! That was missing here! The bottle, however stunning and beautiful it is, it should have wine in it… else it’s something that has a place waiting in the garbage! The wrapper of the film was awesome… But there was no stuff in it! A talent like mohanlal was wasted by making him just walk, drive, shoot and dress!!!

Where did we miss those splendid performances of Mohanlal?? Chithram, Kilukkam, Dasharatham, Chandrlekha, Bharatham and the most spectatcular Kireedam… When will we have this again? Will we ever have such stuff again? I doubt! With this curse called “Image” attached to him, he cannot do such roles any more.

But the expectation remains before the release of his films! And that’s the biggest curse of stardom! We are missing the soul of films these days. These days Film makers are going behind just form, completely ignoring the Content, which is more important. Form has to be there, I agree, but it should be to compliment the content… But the trap remains, making the people forget this and tempts them to go behind form. This happened to SAGAR,,, too!

It hurts... When there are hundreds of people outside the industry who can make far better movies with half the cost… But it’s not happening for reasons unknown to none!!! Hopefully there will be a better future for movies, free from stars, filled with just humans and emotions!

Zero blankness!!!

2009-03-27T14:25:00.003+05:30

My mind goes blank these days. I have this feeling that the creative zest in me is getting drained up. I am not able to write anything often these days, no concepts come into mind these days, no creative thoughts brush my brain to keep me engaged…. I am dried up! This is hell!

I don’t know whether this is because of my present life style… a life dominated by anarchism! I was never like this. I was too disciplined in my life. Had a biological clock that ticked inside me and I always followed its calls! But that clock disappeared! Now I am flying without any destination, without a thread to keep me hooked!

All the creative people have lead an abnormal, nomadic life. Is this the inspiration of my present state of being?! May be… But I don’t want to be like this. Some where down the line I have a feeling that this is doing no good for me. A disciplined approach to life might do some good. But will I be able to?

I will have to start everything from ground zero. Hopefully with the arrival of my mother and sister to Chennai (bringing them here next month) these routines might change, hopefully! It’s almost 7 years since I was enjoying the so called freedom, away from all the chains, living at my own will. This comes to an end in another 2/3 weeks! To be honest, I welcome this change at this moment.

The loneliness has started to creep in me recently. I was alone.. right from my second year of UG.. but this lonliness…The lonely nights…wandering days… gifts me horrible dark dreams! Now there is nothing that pulls me back to my home at the end of the day. So I prefer staying at my friends’ places…chatting all night, sleeping a little, reading nothing, writing nothing and……….. let me leave it blank!!! The time just smiles and goes in front of me and I sit helpless without doing anything productively!

I don’t know when did this idea of anarchism crept into my thoughts. I was a firm believer that freedom is not what you do without any fences, but with limits, enjoying those limitations. I still remember the day when my dad left me in the hostel on day 1 of my college. “All the rules in the hostel can be broken easily. But you should have a self control” , his words rings in me still. Believe me, till the end of my graduation I have kept my word to him. I was one of those goody goody boys!!!

Even though all my friends were leading an undisciplined life, I was disciplined to the core during my graduation years. Every one praised my discipline. My lecturers, wardens, friends… they were amazed at that. But it was a normal thing for me because that’s how I was brought up. Looking back to those days now, I feel pretty astonished! Was that me who used to get up at 4 in the morning every day; who used to fast and go to temple every Thursday!(its ages since I went to temple now); who wrote and read in a disciplined manner; who practiced yoga regularly!(for which my friends used to tease me!); !!!!!!??? I doubt!

But which one is good? If I want to choose between discipline and anarchism, I would rather choose discipline now. But I am not able to! And more over I am in a dilemma! This anarchism may be inevitable at the moment! May be when the maturity makes its entry slowly, I might be more disciplined!

Anyways, let the future decide which is right and which is wrong and I don’t want to force myself to be disciplined!!!

Movies… Talkies… and now Smellies!

2009-03-23T15:17:00.011+05:30

THIS IS AN ARTICLE BY ME WHICH GOT PUBLISHED IN SAE INTERNATIONAL MAGAZINE RECENTLY. IT MIGHT SOUND A BIT TOO TECHNICAL. BUT ITS INTERESTING TO READ ON.. I GUESS!!!!

Have you ever felt cinema is handicapped when it comes to projecting reality? Is cinema lacking something? Give a thought to it. If your answer is ‘NO’, you are wrong! What about Smell?

With the sight and sound making cinema a realistic way of representing life, there was always one thing that cinema lacked; the power of Smell. If smell can be incorporated to cinema, it will have the real 3 dimensional experience with the 3 ‘S’ operating, i.e., Sight, Sound & Smell!

Smell in Cinema

Smell is one of those sensory experiences which are strongly associated to human memories. Once smell was considered least important. In fact smell was ignored and left in the trash in an era dominated by the computers and electronics. But the sense of smell is now considered as one of the means by which visual media’s delineating effects can be mitigated.

The sense of smell is poised to break free from many of its assumed delineation. The mystery of how smell works, for instance, has defied scientific understanding for centuries. However with the award of the 2004 Nobel Prize in Physiology/Medicine to Neuroscientists Richard Axel and Linda.B.Buck, the basic code by which scents are perceived and cognitively processed seems to be on the verge being cracked (Nobel Prize Org. 2004)

Smell and Cinema is not a quite new concept. In fact attempts to incorporate smell to cinema dates back to 1916; even before sound was introduced! It was S.L.Rothafel, the owner of a film theater in Forest City, Pennsylvania who deluged the audience of a rose bowl game newsreel in the scent of rose oil. He dipped cotton in rose scent and held it in front of an electric fan, there by suffusing the theater with floral fragrance. But soon, a new fad hit the moviegoers; Sound. The technology that would one day be known as Smell-O-Vision was lost in noise!

Hans Laube and Smell-O-Vision

Later on, Hans Laube was excited by the idea of smell in cinema. He invented Scent-O-Vision, a system that released scents connected to individual scents in movie theaters, and debuted it at the 1939 New York’s World Fair. The basic concept involved a projectionist manually releasing various scent vials at specific points in a movie, such as the scent of flowers during a romantic scene or the smell of gun smoke during a shoot-out. The original Scentovision system failed to catch on for a number of reasons, not the least of which was the substantial amount of conflicting fragrances which eventually filled the theater.

Scent of Mystery

For years, the technology was forgotten. But it was re-introduced in 1960’s in the mystery film aptly titled as “The Scent of Mystery”. Laube perfected his technology into a “Smell Brain”; a series of perfume bottles with scents that were released into the theater automatically as the film threaded through the projector. The process was called Smell-O-Vision.

Ads for the film read, “First they moved (1895)! Then they talked (1927)! Now they Smell (1960)! Scent track was incorporated on the film itself to trigger odors, analogue to a sound track. The release of the odors was synchronized with specific audio visual events in the film. Several of the film’s most prominent clues were set to be conveyed by the Smell Brain.

But Smell-O-Vision was not accepted by the audience for a number of reasons.Release of one scent to another was not instantaneous and had to be carefully managed to avoid odorific confusion which was not desired. Subsequent removal of the smell also had to be carried out to avoid the uneasiness created by the odor in the atmosphere. This also was not possible. Smell-O-Vision was temporarily snuffed out.

There was also another attempt to mix smell with cinema. The process was called “Aromarama” which dispersed smell through AC with Freon gas. An Italian travel feature about China, “Beyond the Great Wall” (1958) came with this technology whose tagline read “You Must Breathe it to Believe it”!

All these attempts during that era can be related to the frantic efforts taken by the film makers to retain the cinema audience from Television. Certain techniques like 3D, Cinerama etc never caught on like Smell-O-Vision. But still cinema survived with spectacular viewing experience rendered to the audience. Thanks to Cinemascope and 70mm technologies.

Odorama

The idea of smell kept on exciting film makers through the years. Modern attempts at reviving Smell-O-vision were undertaken by John Waters when he released his film ‘Polyster’ in 1982. He handed over ‘Scratch and Sniff’ cards to the viewers and they were asked to smell it during specific scenes.

The ‘Scratch and Sniff’ cards had some 8-10 spots which were numbered. The audience had to scratch and sniff each spot when that particular number appears on the screen. This turned out to be quite popular and more fool proof. When the MTV re-aired the film in 1992, they handed out the “Scratch and Sniff” cards at convenient stores.

But even this idea had its draw back. Waters made old sneakers, fish, and, of course, gas to smell! This was something that made the spectators annoy! ''A critic had said, 'If you see 'John Waters' on a marquee, hold your nose,'' and Waters itself has admitted that he had made a movie “that stank!” But still the idea caught on and got some positive reviews.

Smell in Gadget Age

In the gadget age Smell-O-Vision lives on. Digiscents inc. is developing the ismell personal scent synthesizer; a device that will let smells be transmitted through the internet scent synthesizer can be compared to the desktop speakers.

In Cinema, the Collin Farell starrer “The New World” which was released in Japan in April 2006 tried to bring back the essence of smelling cinema. The film which was released in certain theaters in Japan had an internet based fragrance system. The movie goers were exposed to various scents to heighten their sense of joy, love, sadness etc during key scenes.

Future Prospects

Research has shown that the human sense of smell can create stronger, more lasting impressions than sight, suggesting that smell has the potential to greatly heighten the intended effect of communication for diverse purposes. So, the idea of smell in cinema will never die. In fact it will get on to Television and of course internet too. And who knows, if we have more fool proof technologies, the entire structure of cinema might change just like sound changed the structure and story telling styles of silent movies.

Cinema is always a novelty. Cinema has not reached the saturation level yet and it will never reach there! More and more newer things will come up to make the cinema exciting as ever. Let there be more efforts to make the cinemas smell in the coming years with the increased and better understanding of the Odors and how they work and transmit. This will make cinema a real 3 Dimensional visual experience.

Lights... Camera… Action…

2009-03-13T17:38:00.007+05:30

For past one year or so… I was on a creative dryness.. Without shooting anything... There was this restlessness making me uncomfortable every moment. As my friend sre said, “Its when you don’t do anything... you feel more tired.” That’s true in every sense. When you are engaged in something you don’t feel that tiredness. Even though your physique pulls you down, at the end of the day you feel fully filled and energetic at mind.

I had a few projects coming in my way. But nothing worked out. And I was feeling the so called “depression” making me sick at my mind. It was this music video “Thaniye” that we shot last( I have to write a lot about this.. may be next time) . And that was in September 2007!

But I wanted to shoot a short film. That’s were you can explore human emotions. It’s more challenging. As a film maker I have always tried to explore the intricacies in human relations and emotions. And I was successful to an extend. But I failed to understand human emotions in real life. Else I wouldn’t have had break up.. I wouldn’t have made enemies… I wouldn’t have run into troubles… But I understand.. Its all parts and parcel of life..

Miles To Go… was the last short film that I shot.. and that was in February 2006. (ya… 3 years has run off!!!!) And that did come out well.. won a few awards in some film festivals… was screened in a film festival in Australia.. More over it was a film that has gained a lot of reputation for me as a film maker..

Now I am working on a new short film and it is sure to take off… I will be shooting it next week with my students! Pre-production works are over and now it’s in the phase of scheduling. It’s a dream come true for me. Working with Mukeshettan (my cameraman and my senior in film institute) and Vishnu (my sound engineer and class mate in institute). We have big hopes for the future. We even dream of an Oscar!!! Oscar to AR and Resul has given us more confidence.

This time I am coming out with terrorism as the topic. It’s actually based on Mumbai terror attack. The stories we have heard are of the commandoes, survivors, families of people who are dead etc. The story that is untold and unheard is of the terrorists! Their last minute thought..They were also humans. They also might have had fear to die. They might have been trapped to do this operation… This interested me. So I am trying to explore this

And this time I am trying hard. This film is in Hindi! “Mukthi” salvation through darkness… that’s the name of the film. I want to make it the best. Hopes are high around me as my previous two projects were a success in the film festivals. So… to be frank… I am a bit scared too.. whether can I make it? I have been working on this script for last one week and it drained out my energy and I was totally collapsed last night. But this tiredness has a satisfaction.

And hopefully the energy will rush in me at the sight of the camera and lights on the day of the shoot. Lights... Camera… Action…

Always raining in my heart…

2009-03-10T12:47:00.004+05:30

Rain… the very word makes me happy. Rain was a companion through out my life. Tickling drops of water seen on the grass tops in the mornings, the damp roads, drenched walks… the whole smell of rain fell memories!

The first memory of Rain starts with my schools. You too would have experienced it. Every academic year starts with rains. Rambling umbrellas, drenched rain coats and uniforms, windows closed bus journeys, class rooms filled with dampness and darkness, those childish plays in the pool of water in roads, damp shoes and socks, the smell of washed clothes all over the house, fear filled cold and damp nights… all mixed up memories makes me too nostalgic

Rain was just rain till I was into college… But it had new dimensions with the hormones showing me new paths. Rain slowly turned Romantic… The long walks through the lonely paths with her, fingers crossed, shoulders together, hearts joined! Those were the days when I used to long for the rain almost everyday, just to catch up with her and share ourselves under one umbrella! Rain watered my poems!

Rain suddenly turned to villain when I went to work in a plantation company. Those rides in my “Luttappi” (1970 model Enfield) in heavy rains through the field roads, surrounded by tea bushes were a pain. It was adventurous.. but still I used to cry with the rain! I started to hate rain.

Again there was a turn over when she came to my life. (This “She” has a name that cannot me named) who told me “Enikishta, ente mazhaye pole!” (I love you, like my rain!). The rain was bringing back the magic of romanticism all over again. And we dreamed of a house were the rain will pour down through the roof! Rain poured down as love yet again all over my heart! But as she said “ella mazhayum orikkal nilkum!”(all rains will stop at some point of time) it just stopped… making my heart dry!

Now being in Chennai, the rains are distant memories. Missing my rain a lot here. When it rained for a moment last night and the damp roads in the morning made me think about all those sweet memories associated with rain. A lot more to write. But let those be in my mind like a rain filled cloud. It mite pour down some other time!

But it always rains in my heart….

Beauty of Moon…

2009-03-09T14:05:00.005+05:30

Film festivals are meant to be celebrations of good cinema. For last one week I was attending the II Women’s Film Festival in Chennai. I don’t understand, is it due to lack of good films made by women or the fault from the part of organizers.. the package was pathetic! The worst film festival I have ever attended.

A small thought to it. What is the need for a film festival for women? The films shown had films made by women. But the reception it received was very low. There were films that talked women issues. But they were films made by Men! And does this kind of events raise the standards of living of women?

I mean the real women... I am not talking of those lot of women’s club feminists! Their life has nothing more to improve. They actually make the life of others miserable! I am talking about those women who work day in and day out for their family. You cannot have the bleakest of the hopes in this. They don’t have time even to attend these kinds of events. Then why all these extravaganzas?

Actually, the suffering lot of women is not raising their voice and they are still suffering. The ones who raise their voice do this just because they have nothing else to do! They don’t have time for their children, husband, in-laws nothing. Without understanding the purpose of them being in this world... how can they fight for their so called ‘equality’! Some times I feel pity for them!

Its not equality that they need.. but love. And with love they can conquer not just men but the entire world. This is one thing that they fail to understand and desperately and restlessly searches for something else.

I am not preaching. But just think over. I am not against women.. I cannot ever be a male chauvinist… But I am against those so called ‘feminists’ ... good for nothing lots! They cannot make the life of suffering women better but instead they make the lives of others suffer!

I end this note with a comment made by my friend Sruthi, “The weakest men in the street are stronger than us!” I agree... But women are much much stronger than the Men. If their power (that’s love – Something women fail to understand) is being utilized properly and in the right mix and channel... they can do wonders. And its true that,”Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” So… Be a woman.... not a man. Moon has the beauty only when it comes in the night. If it tries to compete with the Sun in day… no one ever will even see it!

I salute all those women who have made a mark in my life... from Sushama teacher (My first teacher) to Chippi (My ex-girl friend who was a big influence). It will be formal if I salute my mom. So I am not doing it. She deserves something more!

So… a word of thanks to all out there!

If all the lost loves were a Boomerang….

2009-03-02T16:21:00.007+05:30

Those romantic moments.. those little cuddles.. those sweet little kisses.. those small fights.. Love was always passionate.. Making the heart to bounce each and every time when she was with me, “mazha pole.. Manjinte thooval pole” (Like the rain, like the wings of mist!)

For every relationships.. There are lot of things in common. Whenever you start a relation.. love is always sweet. The person you love will be the most beautiful.. romantic sweet heart. But as the clock ticks forward.. the feelings take a back seat. What goes wrong?

A mystery that is yet to be solved.. perhaps a mystery.. that can never be solved!

This film.. “Vicky Christina Barcelona” which fetched an Oscar for Penelope Cruz this year has moved me a lot. Perhaps a film that has made me think a lot after a long long time.. it talks about love, sex, relations, life…. The whole life is a search.. A search for something that doesn’t exist at all.. Nothing will make us happy in this world. Meaningless life.. Passionless love.. hollow relationships.. Woody Allen.. A director who was overlooked by me till to date has beautifully portrayed everything in this sweet little movie.

Movie is not the so called ‘classic’ stuff, but it has lot of those subtle things about life that we never like to think about! May be we do think about those.. but we love to believe that we don’t care about those! The passion in a relation gets worn out as you drive forward. But you try to convince that your guy/girl is the best that can happen to you… even though you know nothing goes right between you both. Once you come out of those night mares of fear that makes you cling to a relation.. you choose to break up.. when there is only sea and no path to go forward.

When you fall in love with a person, you love him/her with whole of your heart. You tend to over look all those small imperfections. This makes it romantic. As Marian (Penelope cruz) says in the film “Love will never be romantic if its full filled!” yes.. when the relationship grows.. when you become more and more emotionally attached you feel a completion in your relation. Once that completion is reached.. what else is there to explore?!

Break up is inevitable. Broken relations are always a pain in the heart. It makes your heart to bleed. Have you not wished that all the lost loves were a boomerang even when the possibilities of he/she coming back to your life might be remote? That’s the universal nature of love. And then you try to convince your mind in vain that the break up was good for you in some way or the other..

But still.. I wish.. If all the lost loves were a boomerang…

KENTUCKY FRIED MUSIC!

2009-02-28T12:31:00.008+05:30

Of lately i was thinking about the popularity of AR Rahman, the legend. No doubt about it. He is a legend. But some where this feeling tickles in me and tells that his popularity is a bit 'too much hyped !'

No.. No.. I kno .. there are a lot of the so called "Rahmaniacs" out there ready to sue me. But friends.. just think of it.. is Rahman the greatest mucisian India has ever seen? No.. absolutely no.. V have Pandit Ravishankar, Vikku Vinayak Ram, Astad AllaRakha, Zakir Hussain, Hariprasad Chaurasya, Kunnakudi Vaidyanathan... and the list might (has to) continue.

But why is that AR Rahman is enjoying so much of reception from the people?

Have you been to KFC? The fried chickens are yummy.. no doubt about it. But the popularity it enjoys is not just because of the yummy chicken. There are lot other things associated with it. The packaging, Advertisement and more over the self esteem that it provides.. today's youth prefer to say i had my lunch from KFC rather than from some small hotels which provide better cheap food! The same is the fate of the Indian coffee houses. Once best known for the hang out place of all those creative freaks.. But today's youths are more inclined to the so called CCD.. paying 4 or 5 times more for the same cup of coffee! For them Style and attitude matters most!

This same trend is the reason for these RAHMANIAC SHOWS! People prefer to say (mostly youths) I am rahmaniac mostly because that adds to their style and self esteem! There were better music directors and musicians from India. There is no place for debate in this. All those maniacs has to realise this!

And Oscars.. I am not saying that he dint deserve. He deserves it. But not for Slum Dog... thats not his best work! ( This topic needs a detailed discussion. May be later!)

Rahmaniacs out there.. dont defend yourself saying that he is the only musician from India who won Oscars. Oscar is not the ultimate word for music. even for cinema! its just that rahman got an opportunity to do a film that was marketed in US. else he wouldnt have got it!!! and who knows if a chance was given to other musicians of the yester years.. they too would have fetched it!

Now you might ask why they were not given chance? rite? Its so simple. Just because of globalisation. Thats it! People from the west started to look in to India only recently and Rahman grabbed the opportunity. Just like KFC gained popularity in India.. his music gained popularity in western countries.. and if anythin gains popularity in west.. it naturally gains popularity in India.. Indians blindly follow WEST!

I love Rahman.. His Music.. In fact my most favourite song is Rahman's. But the atrocities... the show offs... the hype.. of those RAHMANIACS are just too much!

so.. before blindly and bluntly becoming RAHMANIAC.. think... the results for MANIAC in the dictionary says "a raving or violently insane person; lunatic!"

And understand this.. Chicken prepared by mother is better tastier and cheaper than your KFC!

“Whole Universe Conspires…”

2009-02-27T11:41:00.009+05:30

“Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience”, Coelho was always inspiring for me. And whole my life I have taken risks that came by my way. I always preferred uncertainties and challenges. Here comes another..

I am given the charge of the dept. with effect from today!

(and for all out there who don’t know me… I am a lecturer in the dept. of film making in SAE college, Chennai.)

This is definitely a huge responsibility and challenge. But I love it. When you are in a position to take decisions and implement your ideas.. that’s the heights of creativity if used properly. And that too in a film making dept... Where cinema is the epitome of creative quests!

I always had fascination for cinema. May be I grew up in an environment where cinema was a passion. (My dad was an extreme cinema lover. That might be the reason that he dint object my desire to join film institute!) Rajni Kanth mite be the first person who descended to my life from the silver screen! The way I used to imitate him in my child hood... that was crazy... I used to sing the song “vaanathe paarthen bhoomiye paarthen” from the film "Manithan" with a plate or whatever I got in my hands as a drum! The credit goes to my elder uncle, GK (my own kunjunni maman) who is my role model a better half of me! I still admire the super star and has that craziness for him. I don know when did I start taking cinema seriously. May be when I was in 7^th std (Mariagiri EMHS, Peermade.. where I was molded.. (I have to write about my school. May be later). Where did I stop? Ha… when I was in 7^th std, when I read about “ Pather Panchali” in a Sunday supplement of Malayala Manorama, something pulled me. It had to happen because I am born for that... I mean for good cinemas!

I wanted to be an actor not a director. But when did this twist to the tale happen? It was when I was in 9^th STD! I still remember... the day when we won first prize for the drama written by me in sub-district level school youth festival… I cannot ever forget it in my life! Teachers were all in praise for me and especially Mini teacher (she has influenced me a lot). From that day onwards I had the confidence that I can become a director.

Cinema was becoming more and more serious in my life. After my +2, joined visual communication in BACAS coimbatore (I must write about my college too) then into Adayar film institute. Even though I couldn’t make it to FTII, pune, I m happy that I was called up for the interview and selected for a course . (Unfortunately I couldn’t join)

Even though life had a sudden twist when dad passed away and I had quit the studies and go to Munnar to work in a tea plantation there... I was still confident that I will come back with a bang after a few ears once I am settled. But destiny had some other plans. I couldn’t stay there for a long. It was inevitable! Joined SAE as faculty (it was a new challenge then. I was not sure about my caliber as a teacher.) Thanks to Niveditha maam who is a lecturer in the direction dept. in Adayar Film Inst. It was her support that fetched me this job as SAE was hesitant to take a fresher like me!

My plans were to get into Chennai some how and then start working under some camera man or director. But now I am taking up this job more seriously. No other job in the world can give you more satisfaction. There is a meaning for everything that you do. Here you are not dealing with unknown figures, don’t want to achieve unachievable targets, never want to stay late in the night for budget preparations and meetings... all you have to do is love your students! At the end of the day when students come to you expecting a solution, the respect and love they give you... no other job can guarantee you that. I challenge!

So I am prepared to be a good teacher. Dreaming to make my dept one of the best of its kind. Plans are being chalked out. Let us see…

And my dream… to make a good film… it will happen. May be I will have to wait for more. But that will happen for sure…

“When you have a dream and work towards achieving it, the whole universe will conspire in helping you achieving it!”

Thank You CANCER!

2009-02-26T16:08:00.009+05:30

Thank you cancer!

No one knows how you come

If I drench in rain

Fever!

So mom never allows to…

If I eat too much fat

Heart attack!

Mom never gives me…

If I have unprotected sex

Aids!

So I never do…

But thanks to you cancer

No one knows

What brings you!

But you are not invited!

Senseless! Nutty! Crazy! You can add on all the words for absurdity in the Thesaurus for the above written lines except for the last! But just take a moment to think. What brings in cancer? People who were non-smokers, with disciplined lifestyles die at the age of 50 (as my father) and at the same time chain smokers who smoke more than a packet of cigarettes a day stay healthy even at their 70s and 80s! Irony!

Cancer is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. I have experienced it. The pain my dad went through… my mom’s tears… my anguish… all bundled to a package of agony and silent weeps. More than the physical pains, I am sure my dad would have gone through a lot of mental stress. The pain of leaving behind the wife and son and daughter… Without settling down and making the future secure. The pain of knowing the truth that he will miss and will be missed by the people he loved the most…

But… what wrong did he do? Nothing... That’s more painful. And this girl.. Kukku’s sister.. (Kukku was the charming girl who sung nicely when we went for Dayana’s{my colleague} marriage). A girl of 13 years, She may not be able to even spell the word CANCER correctly! Now she is in RCC, Trivandrum in ICU! She had a lesion in her leg for 9 years it seems and the local doctor (wanna check his certificate) was not even bothered to send her for a detailed check up! 9 years... She was having the tumor which now has spread to every part of her body. Let us cross our fingers and pray... not to save her life but to keep her away from pains. (Paavam<Pity>)

Now where does this point to... If detected early cancer can be cured. But is it inefficiency or some other complex that keeps the doctors from detecting all these? (Same thing happened to my dad also and I am sure 90% of the cancer patients who have died could have been cured if it was detected early.)

With the science making leaps in every field... why does it stagger here? A department entirely dedicated for the Cancer treatment (Oncology), millions of oncologists, researches… why nothing hits the bull’s eye? This makes us realize that man is not the ultimate power in the universe.

Whatever philosophies you come out with, being a cancer patient or being in the close vicinity of cancer patients is painful. Tears make a stroll… May be not for those who have not experienced it. But for me…..

Thank you cancer

No one knows how you come

But you are expected

I am cautious

But what precautions to be taken?

Thank you cancer

No one knows how you come!

But you are not invited….

{But be cautious,, we will fight!}

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZSC-n7Kbg4

Choose a blind man to ride your car!

2009-02-26T13:32:00.011+05:30

Will u ever allow a blind man to ride your car? Sounding absurd? But that’s what happening in India now!

Quota reservation based on caste! That sounds yuck! This takes off the opportunities for lot many deserving candidates to enter in to the institutions and jobs. This was something that was bothering me for a long time. In fact right from the day when I came to know about it. (I think it was when I was in my class 7 or 8. Mini teacher, my social science teacher, she was the one who told us about this. )When I heard it for the first time even at that young age I was like… bull shit.. Why the hell this?? Even though she tried to convince me a lot that this is for the betterment of the back ward people, for them to compete with the people in the upper strata of the society and all those bla.. blaa.. Sorry teacher... I m still not convinced!

At that time it was just an issue that was disturbing my thoughts every now and then. But later on when this quota system poured down to my life as villain a couple of times, I was simply annoyed and broke a couple of glasses!(“Paavam ente amma! “<Poor mom>) If the system was not there I would have been in FTII, Pune by now (it was my dream, not just a dream but a BIG DREAM!). If the system was not there I wouldn’t have been worried on lot of issues like the difference in fees structure in MGR Film & Television Institute, Chennai!

(You wont believe I was paying full fee for the course and one of my co-student was literally studying freely just due to the reason that he is from a backward community. The irony is his father was earning more than 25k a month and my dad was bed ridden due to cancer and the income was swinging like anything!)

Now whom to be blamed? When Dr.Ambedkar put down this concept, I agree, at that time the condition of the so called OBC and SC/ST where so poor. But its 60+ years now. They are economically more stable. If they are economically stable then for whose sake is this system?

If Dr.Ambedkar was to reframe the constitution, I m sure this system wouldn’t have been there. Because I don’t think he will be in need of the so called vote banks! The politicians who are a pain stacking lot for the common people like us make the conditions worse. Hate them.

Now that I had to comment on this issue when my friend Nitha ( we call each other “Sakave” <Comrade>) called up and told me that she was put under waiting list in Nimhans (Bangalore) for the course she has opted for just due to this reason. She has 9^th rank in the entrance. But a guy who was 54^th was given seat just due to the reason that he is OBC! Now that’s idiotic!

This is like giving a medal to the guy who came last in the 100 m dash in Olympics just because he is from African country! Then India has the chance to win more medals in Olympics. Merit has no value here. Think of the mental stress of the students who undergo these kind of irrational situations. When he knows that the guy who has been selected ahead of him was far far faaaar inferior in terms of talent, that will make him tired of the system!

Now consider this. You need few drivers for your cars. Say 8. You conduct an interview. A 40 of them turn up. You have selected 7. One is reservation. You have to select an OBC guy. There is only one guy who is OBC and he is blind!!!

Now, no other choice. Be prepared to ride in a car driven by a blind driver! Kudos!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ymq5Dyyd34Y

At last i m here...

2009-02-26T10:08:00.008+05:30

Possibility of me starting a blog was always there. My wildest dreams always compelled me to start one. But i was too lazy and made me sit idle. The main reason might have been my fears; I feared that a blog by me might be another 10+1 stuff! I feared that my blog mite not be as beautiful and as interesting like many others blogs. I feared that no one might visit or follow my blog!

I want to be the best always. If I cannot i prefer to sit idle. If i want to choose between something and nothingness.. i would rather choose nothingness since it has a completeness! My motto in life is simple, "EVERYWHERE I WILL BE THE KING, ELSE I WILL BE A SLAVE!" I don't want to be a normal citizen or even a minister. Even though Buddha says 'Middle Path' is the best way to be followed thats a way trodden by people who never expects anything new in their life. I expect my life to offer me a bunch of newness all the time!

To be normal, for me is boring. As Osho says, it is easier for everyone to be eccentric than to be normal. We all try to be normal and work hard for the same to convince the society that we are normal! who cares! who has defined what is normal and what is abnormal. A debate!

Anyways... here is CrOssRoAds... where everything will be crossed! Literally anything that goes through my wild and weird mind will be crossed left right and centre. Hopefully this will not be another 10 + 1 stuff.

And here is a promise... i won't make you bored. The day when i feel that my crossroads are not bieng crossed by people so often and it is not crossing all those issues that are supposed to be crossed... i will stop this there.. why bother about all those!

Cheers to life!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-rACt6IX5c